There are different ways how to handle drama and conflict. You can go with the flow, or you can go against the current. During one of my workshops, I asked an attendee in which direction they would row if I put them in a canoe in a rapidly flowing river? Most people would say with the flow. However, this particular candidate chose to row against the flow.
I was feeling tired already, with a sense of not getting anywhere. On the other hand, I realised the point the attendee made was very valid. The attendee was talking about how to handle drama conflict. They believed they had to go against the flow. Fight and deal with the drama and conflict; otherwise, problems would not get addressed, causing friction. In other words, the attendee thought it was important to challenge others. And that caused them a significant amount of stress.
Go with the Flow
There is no denying that being in a relationship, you are part of a team. It is also true that each person has a different personal vision and perspective and that the relationship also needs to keep moving forward. In any team, there will be conflict and disagreements. But you have a choice: You can go and prove the vision of others wrong by going against it or find ways to adapt yourself and go with the flow, making the changes that are important.
Effectively, in both situations, you are aiming for the same thing: Change in your relationship and implementing solutions that are more beneficial to everybody. But the starting point, the mindset is different. Going with the flow means that you learn to adapt yourself to the circumstances. Going against the flow means you are looking to change others.
Sometimes it is more useful to step back.
How to handle drama in an authentic way.
Based on the discussion that happened in the group, here are the six ways to handle conflict by staying true to yourself:
- Have a purpose. Using your purpose and values, measure if the drama or conflict is about a key value. If it is, stand your ground, and find some common ground. If it really isn't such a big deal, but it is for the other person, let it go.
- Practice understanding and empathy. First, Instead of focusing on what other people do or decide, focus on yourself. What is triggering you? Then put yourself in their shoes and try to understand their emotions and motivations.
- Set boundaries for yourself. Having boundaries is good for yourself, your partner and your relationship. Do you accept each other's boundaries? Do you measure against those boundaries? If you answered yes, to these questions, it might be easier for you to accept what is going on and respect the other person, even if you think you're right.
- Communication: Open and Honest communication is vital in resolving drama and conflict. The key is to find out their motivation, what drives and triggers them and express yourself in such a way so that you can work towards finding common ground. Ultimately what you want is a win-win situation.
- Take responsibility: When there is drama and conflict, there are always two people involved. Both of these people are responsible for their part. Acknowledge your role and be willing to apologise if you need to.
- What does the future of the relationship look like? Do you share the same vision? Is your vision something your both belief in?
Ultimately you can only hold yourself accountable for your reactions, your vision and the choices that you make in life.
Drama and conflict are normal in a relationship. But how you approach and deal with them can impact how you feel about yourself and the survival of your relationships. By adopting the right approach, you can navigate conflicts and build healthier and stronger relationships.