Feeling disconnected doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re no longer in love. It means you have to get reconnected, and it is a simple but powerful way to improve your relationship.
Does my partner need to change?
Believe it or not. You can start to change your relationship without input from your partner. However, there is one condition... I'll get back to that later.
It's my partner’s fault.
Imagine that you feel disconnected from your partner. You may feel ignored, you may snap at your partner easily, stop communication or reject him physically. Maybe you think your partner always talks about themselves and ignores your needs. Clearly, it is your partner’s fault.
There is one shortcoming with that reasoning. Blaming your partner means you give your power away. If you want to improve your relationship, you have to take some responsibility, and you may even have to take the first step.
In some cartoons, supervillains possess guns that freeze people. This could be a metaphor for your frosty attitude. The reverse is true as well. With a warm attitude, you can melt anybody and create relationships. The same applies to your relationship. If you change your energy and become warmer and more positive, your connection with your partner may improve. However, for you to achieve that point, you need to be patient, and you need to learn how to communicate.
It is true, I have seen relationships transform because one partner released limiting beliefs and decisions that had been left over from the past. The partner didn’t do anything.
Six steps to improve your relationship and reconnect.
If you want to change the situation, you have to put in the effort. Pointing the finger at your partner is easy. However, if you’re the one who wants to change the situation, you’re going to have to take responsibility. No more saying, “It is my partner’s.” No, this is about you taking responsibility and doing everything you can to change the situation.
Step 1: Responsibility
Stop hiding behind reasons why your relationship is no longer working. Saying, “My partner is…” won’t work. Saying “I am broken” is also not going to work because that can become an excuse for inaction. Take responsibility and take action.
Step 2: Awareness and honesty
Who knows why you behave in the way you do. What were your role models like, your parents, your grandparents and any other significant adult when you were growing up? All these have an influence on your relationship. You can probably point out a couple of events that significantly changed the dynamics in your relationship when you look back at your relationship.
Step 3: Release
The second step has to be releasing negative emotions, limiting decisions and any influences from the past that are affecting your current behaviour. Trust me when I say this, it will make a HUGE impact. Our past experiences have a significant effect on our present behaviours. I can’t stress this enough. Take this step seriously, and it is very well possible all your problems will be resolved.
It is not uncommon for two great people to cancel each other out. The key for you is to combine your powers and create a powerful rocket.
By this stage, things are already starting to happen, and you will see that many things are changing in your relationship and other areas of your life.
Step 4: Rekindle your interest
People want to know you pay attention to them. The First thing to change is how you communicate. Be genuinely interested in your partner. That can be hard, but here is a tip on how to do it.
While your partner is talking, find those little things that made you fall in love with them when you saw them for the first met them. Enjoy them, and if you want, share those intimate moments. This may be difficult at first, especially if you disconnected from each other a long time ago.
Step 5: Improve your communication style
Many communication techniques can help you improve your communication style, that in turn can help you develop your relationship. These techniques can help you improve how your partner feels about how much you care about them. Eventually, you can use communication techniques to get more focus on topics that matter to you, and you can use them to reach an agreement on things that are important to you both.
Step 6: Purpose
Understand that you are working towards a common purpose but that you may have entirely different values.
I met a father recently who told me how he chooses to connect with his son and educate him in regards to the impact of smoking marihuana. Yet his wife thought that was wrong and believed it was only going to encourage him. She believed more in disapproval and prohibition. This drove a wedge in that relationship. But their desired outcome was the same.
Sometimes your values are significantly different from your partners, and sometimes these differences are more subtle. It is essential to be aware of those and to understand that you are working towards the same common purpose. As a matter of fact, those distinct values may balance each other out, and when used correctly, they make you a stronger couple.
When you start this process, you will soon find that things start to change. You will get a better self-understanding which allows you to forgive yourself and adapt to your partner without losing your personal identity. Without a doubt, you will also improve your relationship.
Within weeks of going through the six steps, the relationship between me and my partner changed. I started to see a difference in the way we communicate. I didn’t believe it but happened really quickly.
David N. (Actual Client)
Do you need to improve your relationship? Do you want to reconnect with your partner? Contact me directly to find out how you, too, can rediscover love in your relationship.
One final thing, remember I said there is one condition. This will be the final question I ask of you; answer it honestly:
Do you still love your partner?
Because the only when you can answer this question with a resounding "YES" is it worth starting the journey.